Do you avoid having difficult conversations? Or maybe you even steer clear of people you find difficult? What if I told you that changing your communication approach could make those interactions less stressful? It starts by changing your intent. Instead of approaching a conversation with the intent to sort out right from wrong, approach it with the intent to understand. Be curious.
There’s no right or wrong—there IS only understanding. Be Curious.
When you stop limiting yourself to two opposing outcomes—right or wrong—you unlock overlooked possibilities. Doing so reduces conflict, eases tension, and creates space for more productive, meaningful conversations. Ultimately, improving your communication skills will enhance your relationships and make your daily interactions less draining and far more fulfilling.
It’s All Relative
Am I suggesting 2+2 doesn’t equal 4? No! You got the answer wrong on the math test because we have agreed-upon truths—laws of physics, mathematical proofs, and natural laws no one argues with. 2+2 will always equal 4 because we've agreed it does. But neither spelling of realize or realise is wrong. One is an agreement on how to spell it in the U.S.; the other is the UK’s way. Both are "right" within their own context.
The idea that what’s “right” or “wrong” depends on context—culture, experience, or societal norms is known as relativism. Like our spelling example, different societies and people have different agreements about what’s true or acceptable. When you look at things through a relativist lens, you stop labeling things as universally "right" or "wrong" and instead focus on understanding where the other person is coming from.
In everyday conversations, adopting this mindset can be transformative. It helps you to:
Challenge your assumptions: Just because something seems obvious to you doesn’t mean it’s the same for someone else.
Foster empathy: When you seek understanding, you are less likely to judge and more likely to connect.
Create space for growth: Curiosity invites deeper conversations and solutions beyond surface-level disagreements.
This isn’t about abandoning all certainty. There are still situations where facts and agreed-upon truths matter. But much of our daily communication isn’t about solving math problems—it’s about human experiences, perspectives, and emotions. And here, curiosity and understanding are far more valuable than being “right.”
Respecting Complexity of Experience
When you listen for points of disagreement, prepare counterarguments like a mental chess game, and are ready to defend your position, you miss out on the richness that comes from different perspectives, backgrounds, and cultures.
Shifting to a mindset focused on understanding fosters open dialogue, as people are more likely to share their thoughts when they feel they won’t be judged. This shift also encourages diverse viewpoints, creating space for marginalized voices to be heard and valued. Additionally, it helps dismantle biases, as many default assumptions about what’s “right” often stem from your own cultural or personal experiences. By approaching conversations with curiosity rather than judgment, you begin to uncover those biases.
This shift leads to more inclusive practices in a workplace or community setting. When everyone feels their perspective matters, they’re more engaged and motivated to contribute to collective success.
Culture of Curiosity
Imagine a world where conversations weren’t competitions, where the goal was not to prove someone wrong but to build collective understanding. This shift doesn’t just benefit individuals—it strengthens teams, fosters inclusion, and builds stronger communities.
Here are a few ways you can start practicing this shift in your own communication:
Ask open-ended questions: Instead of trying to poke holes in someone’s argument, ask questions that invite them to explain their thinking. “Tell me more about why you feel that way” is a great start.
Pause before responding: Take a moment to reflect on what the other person said before formulating your response. This helps you genuinely process their perspective rather than focusing solely on your rebuttal.
Acknowledge your biases: We all carry biases shaped by our experiences and cultures. Start recognizing when those biases might influence how you see someone else’s point of view.
Collaborate over compete: Shift the conversation toward shared goals. Instead of thinking of it as a debate, frame it as a collaborative effort to find a solution together.
So, the next time you’re in a conversation, pause. Let curiosity lead you. Ask yourself, “What don’t I know?” The answer might surprise you.
Want Practice?
If you’re ready to transform your conversations and improve your communication skills but aren’t sure where to start, I’m here to help. Together, we’ll explore how to approach difficult conversations with curiosity and understanding. Role-playing activities are just one example of how I help clients practice in a safe, supportive environment. Book a free consultation to discuss which approach or activity best fits your needs.
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